Depression is chasing me again. I was ahead of it for a while, but it continues to rear its dreary head. I think back to not that long ago, and wonder what happened to "that" me. She seems a stranger to me now.
I call it basement dwelling. It's dark, and cluttered, and cold. There's nowhere to be that is comfortable. Well, maybe an old bed in the corner, where you would just love to hide under a blanket while the world above carries on. You can hear them, the rest of the world. It's amazing; they all seem so cheerful, full of energy and hope. I remember what that was like, and want to be there again.
God seems to have stepped away. Like He moved, and left no forwarding address. He has a new phone number, but it's unlisted. Of course, I know that how I feel doesn't indicate truth. And that IS my hope. That He doesn't change. He is still for me, and will never leave me nor forsake me. He gives me the grace to believe, so I wait till I get to go up the stairs to "life above ground".
This was this morning's devotional from Charles Spurgeon. I really appreciated it. I'm sure we can all relate.
"I will pour water upon him that is thirsty."
-- Isaiah 44:3
When a believer has fallen into a low, sad state of feeling, he often
tries to lift himself out of it by chastening himself with dark and
doleful fears. Such is not the way to rise from the dust, but to
continue in it. As well chain the eagle's wing to make it mount, as
doubt in order to increase our grace. It is not the law, but the gospel
which saves the seeking soul at first; and it is not a legal bondage,
but gospel liberty which can restore the fainting believer afterwards.
Slavish fear brings not back the backslider to God, but the sweet
wooings of love allure him to Jesus' bosom. Are you this morning
thirsting for the living God, and unhappy because you cannot find him
to the delight of your heart? Have you lost the joy of religion, and is
this your prayer, "Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation"? Are you
conscious also that you are barren, like the dry ground; that you are
not bringing forth the fruit unto God which he has a right to expect of
you; that you are not so useful in the Church, or in the world, as your
heart desires to be? Then here is exactly the promise which you need,
"I will pour water upon him that is thirsty." You shall receive the
grace you so much require, and you shall have it to the utmost reach of
your needs. Water refreshes the thirsty: you shall be refreshed; your
desires shall be gratified. Water quickens sleeping vegetable life:
your life shall be quickened by fresh grace. Water swells the buds and
makes the fruits ripen; you shall have fructifying grace: you shall be
made fruitful in the ways of God. Whatever good quality there is in
divine grace, you shall enjoy it to the full. All the riches of divine
grace you shall receive in plenty; you shall be as it were drenched
with it: and as sometimes the meadows become flooded by the bursting
rivers, and the fields are turned into pools, so shall you be-the
thirsty land shall be springs of water.