So, after wallowing around in the "if only" puddle for a while, I move on to the "then" game. OK, so I can't retire just yet. Won't likely be moving to that little house in the country for a few years. But when I retire, "then" I will begin to do those wonderful things. "Then" I will be content. "Then" I will accomplish great things for God. Right now, I can't. Oh really? Right now, I just don't have the time or the energy. Is that so? I will just have to tough it out, grit my teeth and plough through. I will just have to "sacrifice" my time to my job, knowing that it's only when I retire that I can get anything of value accomplished. "Then" it will all happen. Right?
The next stage in the process is this: I start listening to my thoughts, and taking a gander at my attitude, and say to myself, hold it. Wait a minute. Who do you think you are? God has all your days arranged for you. You were placed here for His glory. Don't you think He can squeeze some good, some lasting results out of each day, even when you aren't "living the dream" up in Bancroft? This is the point where I chide myself for ingratitude, and for questioning God's plan for my life. Why do I think that all should go according to my plans? How could I imagine that God is not present in everything, each day, and is at work, even though I can't see it?
I want to have an attitude of gratitude. I want to wake up every day, expecting great things of God, exited about what He might have in store for me. I don't want to waste precious time longing for something that might not even come to pass. I don't know the future. Only He does. My place, and your place, is to wait on Him, and be faithful, in the moment. In the "now", because the "then" might not show up. All we have is now, and He is in it.
Dear Lord, teach me to wait on You, to learn contentment. You have the wisest plan, and I am like an impatient child. Help me to see Your hand in the stuff of everyday, and remember that to you, a thousand years is like a day, and a day is like a thousand years. My times are in Your hand.